Are you a feminist?

Are you a Feminist? (sickening look on his face) I have heard this question many a times when I stood avant-garde in front of my guy friends rebelling to prove my part, when I wanted to do extraordinary things they thought a woman could not or is not supposed to do, when I didn’t laugh at those dirty jokes made on girls and when I couldn’t enjoy those hit songs that profited on female sexuality.

I grew up listing stories of Cinderella who waited for her prince charming to save her from her tired life and Sita who performed a fire trial to prove her chastity. Today she is an empowered woman who can directly claim for her political and social rights, who can express her sexual and emotional desires, who no longer wants the confirmation of the society of being another ' angel in the house'.

I want to ask all those men out there who jumped out of their cushioned chairs when a woman said ‘respect me and treat me equal’- Why the hell did God create men and women with the same substance? The male ego always tried to suppress women by denying them education, right to vote and even socio-economic rights. Today we stand as the successors of Virginia Woolf and Mary Wollstonecraft wanting to be acknowledged for our presence and actions in our society. Gone are the days when women hid shyly behind kitchen walls and bedroom curtains. Who doesn't know about Arundati Roy, Sunita Williams, Mother Teresa and P T Usha?  This is an era of women trying to shatter the glass ceilings and men trying to cope over their successful wives and daughters. 

Every daughter is taught that chastity is more important than life and the loss and resultant stigma is same as death. Today I see women around me who talk openly about love and sexuality. This is the era where more Siri Sampiges ( Chandrashekhar Kambar’s) took life to assert their identity and claim for their sexual rights. The whole idea of ‘purity’ and ‘chastity’ tied women’s destiny around her womb and restricted her from falling in love, expressing her emotional and sexual desires and to live a life of imprisonment. We should all learn from nature, from the queen bee that crowned herself at the centre of her world. I hope for a future where kids grow up listening stories of an empowered Sita than a Sita who had to prove her chastity for her conformity in the society. All pompous men out there ‘Don’t teach us to ‘dress appropriate’ and ‘talk right’ because my constitution allows me to do what I please just like your son, so teach him how to treat a lady!’

I have heard stories, late back where girl children played with gold coins in upper class families and with clay in  lower class families, both lacked the unchanged basic of being educated. We see Malalas around the world today claiming for their right to education even at the cost of their lives.  Empowered women and girls have a transformative duty to play in their societies but they are rarely given an opening that will allow them to discharge their mammoth potential. Diane Mariechild rightly said “A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform”.

A home is not complete without a mother.  She is the pillar of strengths of a family but that doesn’t mean she needs to be tied down to the kitchen sink and washing machine. She has a grand input in the family functioning and yet she is not appropriately acknowledged. Women are seen as the creators of life and involved in all things that dealt with creativity, from planting and harvesting, to giving birth and raising children but she cannot raise her voice in front of her patriarchal father and male chauvinist husband. Come out women! Come out of the shadow and embrace the world! 

You know something, even though I call myself modern and educated I don’t feel secure when I walk on the road under bright sun, there are evil eyes everywhere passing an ugly remark or trying to touch a woman’s body part, I feel panicky when I travel alone in a bus crowded with men, I find it disgusting when someone says “you look sexy”, it’s more of a threat than a compliment and I have a suspicious mind when I get inside a public toilet or a hotel room. Why is that I don’t feel easy being a woman? Not because I am dissatisfied with my biological sex but it’s only because of the social construct of gender and the boundaries for a female. Feminist is not a bad word! I don’t want to slap a man or climb heights by smashing him under my slippers, all I demand is equality and equal responsibility. Don’t get me wrong, I have seen men who are extremely supportive, ideal and kind and I have a lot of good guy friends. Being feminist doesn’t mean we don’t talk to men, it doesn’t mean we are extremely rebellious and it doesn’t mean we want to abolish motherhood and family; it means- accept me for what I am and respect me like a human being!

PS: You cannot judge me without knowing me! Keep that in mind before passing a comment! Peace! 

- an extremely pissed off woman!