The lavender love..

In the haze away let me reside once again

Into the gripping beauty beyond thy flowers

Of dryness demise and darkness

And the deeper mystery of fervor.

From the beats of a hunting falcon

I heed the secrecy you left behind the battle,

I invite the warmth of thy hands

To the convivial viaduct of the west.

The crusaders of light are near my Phoenix

To steal the ashes that once blamed the verve

Of compelling desires to flee with the west wind

To the lavender gardens of inflammable wishes.

Now I stand alone in my final destination

With whispers of faltering hope

Against the nightmares of stranger departs

Of ‘foolish admirer’ of account,

It’s the lavender love!

Have I ever crossed your mind?

He is my first love..

He held me first when I had a bad dream,

My first ever dream on earth

He laughed with tears and kissed my head

Held my hand and made me take steps

From the softest sand to the hardest rock

He sang his best songs to make me sleep

And watched me giggle and bounce in knee.

He said a petite promise hugging me

And laughed with pride when I called him-

My most adventurous love.

He carried me on his shoulders

When I was too small to see

He made a little prayer with a comet

And watched me grow with glee

He made me his twinkling little angel

His best brand of Barbie doll!

He carried my pictures all the way

In his pocket and his dear heart

And cuddled me through phone calls

He watched my stupid cartoons

And admired my heroes and talks,

Raised my spirits and moved me with heed.

He is the one who taught me to smile

At the stiff mug of life and to sip joy

With every vapors towering to my lips

He asked me to filter things and

Fetch the purest water from dust

He was there just a heartbeat away

Filling every bottle I left half empty,

Opening the doors I failed to notice

Stitching the dreams I forgot to bind,

And admired me for being his vim and vigor.

He told me every day that I’m his best love,

If there is a life left I want him again

Because he’s my first love, my Dad =)

I’ll always remember every detail, every moment and every piece of memory you have left me! You're my hero,my first and best love ,I love you Dad <3

A letter?

Hi,

“I have no idea until I ride the other side”, I don’t know what made me write this, just my random thought but I guess it’s not brainless. I don’t understand why people burn their heads in the name of their forecasted life and some lifeless stone figures! Am I an atheist? I know I’m spiritual and I trust life not in destiny, I do have a sort of religion and its hope! I know, most of them call me nutty but I know who really that is. Seriously I’m not a revolutionist to bring about an altered world, I have so many businesses but I felt senseless at people crying over what they call as ‘fate’.

Well I believe in scientific miracles, they give me answers not illusions and hallucinations like religions do. By the way who created this religion? Did they also come as a spark from the heaven? Then why the hell it lost morals and values? Assign sin blissfully for the conviction of religion, let your God be thrilled! Kill..kill more souls for the flow of blood, God should be pleased! Where the tournament did Adam and Eve go after eating a fruit? What was your God's business out there when what you call as evil played around? Oh I forgot, they were playing hide and seek jumping from heaven to hell! 

I know I haven’t hunted another life deliberately and life scratched, cracked and murdered me often. I can cry out to the globe that you never gave me anything; it’s me the power! I’m not complaining, seriously I’m enjoying both the pain and the smile, life is beautiful! I can stand on my own till I have faith in my abilities and I’m extremely positive about that. Life is just a puff of smoke, so chill people! I can’t predict what’s next, I don’t care but I can compute and make life walk with me as I please! Excuse me I’m still normal.

Yes I value relations, they are my pleasure and I love to defend them till my last breath. I love meeting new people, they are not strangers to me but I don’t know what to call them instead, it’s complicated! There is truth everywhere and answers waiting at every door but we fail to notice them often all because we are dim-witted. I love little things; actually there I discovered life spirit, in every struggle and every little battle I failed and fought. I trust you nature, the legitimacy you defended me! And music, I’m still innate in your magical power!  And love, where is that intact life?

I know I’m mindless at times but I know that I was thinking different. I’m childish more often; it’s a trick to hide the hard face of life. I’m extremely extrovert, kind of chatting machine, my strength and fault. I can’t express feelings more often but I know the inexpressible is denser. Like I said at many times, I’m not a perfect girl, like me or hate me, the choice is yours, I’m matured enough to accept them all. I welcome you all the negative spirits try your best and don’t forget to consume more antibiotics coz my positive microbes are solid workers. I don’t believe in God, did something happen to me? I’m still alive! Open your eyes and fetch the reality dude! Believe me, the power is within you, discover it and enjoy life =)

Peace

ME

(Sorry if I wounded any! This is extremely personal!)

From the valley of leeches..

Yes, everything happens for good reason! I went there, felt bored the first day, smiled the second day, laughed the third day and now it’s an inevitable part of my life, I truly miss those spice scented hill tops and lovely people! And after a while, we have to accept the reality that what happens is what suppose to happen and wishing it will happen again gives the spirit to dry your tears and hope to meet again. Yes, I miss the ‘Valley of leeches’, not leeches actually but the innocent hearted human leaches and the miraculous nature!

Rex, when today morning you called me I was so excited to know what’s happening there and I truly missed the fog you explained so beautifully. I miss the long time chats and gossips we made and the stupid stories and weirdest dreams you have. Don’t even think of a party without us, we’ll one day come back to enjoy Michael ettan’s special raw mango juice and moolavetti =D and sing the loudest cry climbing the rocks. Remember, my b’day gift is still pending! Miss you Mr. Don! =)                             

 Martin chetai, I miss everything! Send my love to all and tell them that I miss being the celebrity out there. I gave my life’s first ever autograph there, hope I’ll give more someday =P God has perfect timings, never late, never early and I hope we’ll meet again. And when it rains here, I remember Milan’s dream of taking life as a duck so that he can play in water the whole day =) Actually I rediscovered the child in me once again when I met you all.
                                                                                                    

Vaidehi, did you throw those spoilt food I kept safely under the bench? =D I know you miss me! And I miss you too, the love stories, fashion shows and river baths. Even though you heated me at times, I loved being cool to crack brainless jokes to make you laugh and jump in glee. Tell Fr that I miss his blue moon smile and Annie Sr’s amazing suggestions. Don’t forget to pass on my love to Kunjeli chedathi =) .Chinch, you’re still a part of me! We’ll meet in hostel to shout for no reason at all! I know you also miss them all! We’ll go again, right?

20 days of unexplainable madness, rediscovering the tribal part within ourselves, the history, culture, tradition and heritage that we left behind. At some point I had this idea that I’ll not leave the land, I was free of tensions and was completely out of the ultra world! But I read the reality when phone calls reached me every night that my gorgeous days are counting, that I’m going to leave this land in days. Still it was beautiful; finally reality was better than dreams! People say you have at least five dreams over night, that’s like 30 billion dreams a year, I’m happy I made at least one come true, I went there, enjoyed, got lost in forest, climbed unthinkable heights, ate  everything on my way , and now heart hardens like the frozen rocks with the absence of everything! The hardest part walking away is that the things I loved the most won’t run after me! And I know there is a comeback…

Missing Attappady!

Speechless

The bluster wind cuddled her stiff skin

She smelt those lavender flowers again,

He washed her away speechless

With the paper boats that floated away.

Still she heard music in his gravity

Of enticing composition from the core

With the harmony of an immortal film 

Reminding the mysteries of dreams.

He resumed in search of the misplaced flower,

She played, hid and smiled

Of rapture and robes of her reality

Yes he’s here in search of her!

The erosion of a nameless emotion

With splendor and blankness together,

The chronicles of a weird girl

‘Yes, he made ma speechless again!’

...heart is too tired for words

...it was never mine

In the fearless sea gasping the soughed night sky,

 The rumbling stillness of your nasty gasp

Confused the delight of my offended isolation

I know not why I still heave a sigh of lust

In the lavender gardens that no longer exists.

I’m round the bend in your ceaseless suspense

You tied my soul down to your pine tree

The worthless empathy of a piteous stranger!

I moved out from the splendor of my poetry

That told me million tales of your hidden facade.

Travel away from my dense stabbed fate

There is no luck left with my molested pearls

An affectionate patch waits for you out there

Where this saddened dusk is out of reach

Entrust to memory , I’ll be tolerable someday!

The more unattainable,the more attractive <3

To my dearest unattainable love!

...to a love that never was

I’m worried I’ll drown in the pier of your harbor,

 I watched the slow winter of my window and

You threw it all away when I learned just to fly

To the bizarre isles of your composed endings

I cannot seek another land of your shadow.

Bushels apart you are real for my agonizing pain

You are the willow tree and defeated pasture

Where I scratched the tenderness of dreams,

You’re awakening for the stabbing stillness of

The setting flames of my enduring spirit.

At the unspoken edge of compelling yearning

You taught me to smile at my convivial grave,

When my core was obscure out of panting

You carted me to the fodder of poetry

Where I sucked the immortal compassion.

I accept the flashing actuality of my hymns

They were so dim to linger an intact verve,

 Foolish admirer of your deepest hose but

There is no revival from the castle in the sky

Because you are my prince charming since ages!

…and you’re tied together with a smile but you are coming undone!
...kai